Imposter Syndrome

I struggle with the imposter syndrome considerably. But the journey I’ve walked on and the situations that I’ve been so privileged to be part of helped buffer this condition tremendously.

I was fortunate to have parents who instilled good values upon my siblings and I growing up. It wasn’t ideal. They tried their best with the best they had raising kids in Jurong. Life was satisfactory.

However, there were those that didn’t have the privilege of ideal, nuclear families. They sought family at the void decks, common corridors or the neighbourhood playground. Many of these kids were my neighbours. Their construct of family was different from mine. Sometimes they struggled with imposter syndrome by battling within “family” and between themselves.

Perhaps growing up in such neighbourhood and despite the apparent stability at home, I constantly battled with myself if I was good enough. Validation means constantly being among the top 10 students in the neighbourhood primary school. Being the first in the family to study at an elite all-boys secondary school (solely via exceptional PSLE results) and the first to enter junior college. But placed among exceptional students, I was still battling with imposter syndrome.

Then, National Service came knocking. This mamat was enlisted into the most elite army unit.

The significance of the uniform may be different to different people. Power to you. For me, the beret was the ultimate alibi to battle the imposter syndrome. For the record, I wasn’t always in tune with the regimental needs of NS. But being among the elite and legends made me realise what I could become and where I could be when I give myself 101%.

Am I good enough? Am I really that kilat?

A friend once said, “Know that the lifespan of a commando is not the first day of BMT and the last day you stepped down as a reservist. Rather a commando’s lifespan is a continuity even to this very moment.”

Today on this joyful occasion as we celebrate the 52th anniversary of the Commando Formation, I want to give a shoutout to the band of brothers that helped me battle the devil that is the imposter syndrome.

Meanwhile here's a vlog I did during the formation's golden jubilee in 2019. It was the last major gathering we had before the pandemic lockdown.