Choice and sanity

It was almost 10.30 pm. I was watching “My Neighbour, Totoro” (Hayao Mizayaki) when I received the following rather perplexing text from an award-winning actor and a published writer;

“Bro…. Kenapa aktor kau berbual macam cikgu sekolah? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 (Lead's name) cannot make it sak.” 

[Why does your lead actor speak with a formal accent? ...Fail!]

“I am not convinced that she was brought up by a Malay family. I have a lot of Chinese aunties who was adopted by Malay family”

Let’s break down these texts and their implications.

I receive many feedback for my work. In the past, I would get affected very much especially by the unsavoury remarks. It would have affected me for days. Deep down, the imposter syndrome would manifest by validating that I am never good enough, despite the multiple awards in writing and directing for television and international accreditations my films have received. The doubtful intent of the remarks impacted how I receive them.

In the motivational speakers that I followed on YouTube and TikTok, one of the key points often brought up touches how successful people are often the subject of envy from the insecure. They create negative detractions and subsequently use these to gaslight. It’s always about seeking their own validation while dismissing others. The later’s process and outcome is thus declared redundant. The speakers also reminded the best way to deal with toxic people is simply, to ignore them - by not returning the negative energy that they so crave. We invalidate their energy this way.

Just because you are triggered, doesn’t make you right.

These days, for my mental health I have learnt to pick my battles.

As much as I appreciate public feedback, I take these with a pinch of salt. But when it comes from peers, I question the intention of the feedback. The degree of engagement also takes into account credibility and consistency in respective production tasks and scope.

A person who claimed to be learned in the craft would be familiar with Process such as research, writing (and rewriting), scripting, structure, network feedback, on set unpredictability over scheduling, weather and location availability, and most importantly, Context.

Representation often raises question on authenticity. Where do you draw the line to be ethnically conscious?

I remember when the Oscar-winning film, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” came out, my Chinese friends pointed that the accents and linguistics of the Chinese actors’ spoken Mandarin were jarring. The film starred Michelle Yeoh (Malaysia), Chow Yuen Fatt (Hong Kong), Zhang Ziyi (China), Zheng Pei-pei (Hong Kong), Chang Chen (Taiwan) among others. These actors have different Mandarin accents based on their background. I could just imagine the struggle that director Ang Lee (Taiwan) would have gone through with regards to these different accents to contextualise the film which is set during the Qing Dynasty (1644–1912).

In the film “Crazy Rich Asians”, many Singaporeans question the authenticity of the locations and American-Chinese actors casted to represent the Singaporean-Chinese. The Malaysians laughed that many of the locations used in the film were in fact shot in Malaysia.

In Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Ang Lee sought to present a "China of the imagination" rather than an accurate vision of Chinese history. How would you decide if you are Ang Lee?

"Mencari Hajar" is based on the collective life journey of many women’s experience. The story is based on the deductive outcome of experiences collated from research. It is not a biopic. There is one narrative to tell based on the single trajectory of collective experiences. This trajectory is where the screenplay (a crucial process before scripting), develops based on intensive discussion in the “writers’ room”.

I welcome all feedback, because feedback feeds the creative growth. But I learn to manage who I engage with. I consume feedback that brings value to the process, not one that clouds it.

By the way, there are many factors beyond family in the development of accent.

Genetic, friends and education affect how we speak.

After My Neighbour, Totoro, I continued to watch another of Hayao Mizayaki’s masterpiece and Oscar-winning, suspension in disbelief animation feature, “Spirited Away”.

And my response to that text?
“Thank you for watching 👍🏽”