Monday, May 19, 2025

Quiet mornings with Mother; the mornings she made.

I woke up very early this morning. The Art Club was only due to start at 9.30am, but still, I found myself stirring before the sun.

I was in Primary 2.

My regular classes were in the afternoon, but on days when I had morning ECAs, I had to wake up early—though still a little later than my older siblings, who were already off for their own morning sessions. I would also find Father sitting, a moment by himself having breakfast. Father glanced at me, smiled and continued eating.

Mother would send me to school on her way to work at the Japanese company. where she took care of the pantry and tidied the office at the end of the day.

Mother was worried I wouldn’t wake on time on my own, or worse, get lost taking public transport alone. I was usually on a chartered school bus in the afternoons, so these mornings felt different.

Special, even.

We’d arrive at school just after the morning flag-raising ceremony. Mother would walk me to the canteen and sit with me for a while. She’d smooth out the creases in my light blue uniform, remind me not to run around and get dirty before class in the afternoon—“The teachers won’t like it,” she’d say.

Then she’d check my packed lunch. Always something she threw together in the early morning rush: asam pedas today, fish curry on other days. She’d open the packet to make sure it was intact—layers of newspaper lined with wax paper, or sometimes thin food plastic she had cut. She’d lean in to smell the package.

I’d lean in and take a peek. It always smelled delicious.

The canteen would be quiet at that hour—recess still a while away. Before she left, she’d ask if I needed the toilet so she could keep watch over my belongings.

I think she felt safer knowing I was at school, where someone could keep an eye on me, rather than alone at home. Whether it was Art Club, Running Club, or even Choir (!), she’d make sure she was the one to send me off—just so I wouldn’t have to manage the mornings by myself.

That small ritual went on for nearly two years.

Sometimes, after she left, I wished she could’ve stayed until my school session actually began. I’d see one or two classmates with stay-at-home mothers lingering with them, and I’d feel a quiet envy.

I remember asking her all kinds of silly questions just to make her stay a bit longer. Looking back, I now realise how much I treasured those quiet, undistracted mornings—just Mother and me.

Eventually, I learned to eat my lunch during the morning recess. It was easier than sitting alone during the break while others ate. Occasionally, a random kid would try to make fun of me sitting by myself. Eating early gave me comfort.

It was my way of showing that I, too, had something to eat.

Besides, by afternoon, the rice and curry would be soggy—harder to eat, and harder to hide from curious eyes and well-meaning but judgy mothers nearby. Even at that age, I could sense the subtle glances and whispers. I knew.

These days, whenever Mother’s Day comes around, it’s these quiet, small moments from primary school that come back to me. They’re the ones I hold closest. I had her all to myself—no older siblings competing for her attention, no distractions.

Just quiet mornings and the comforting scent of packed lunch, and the gentle presence of Mother, who was simply being a mother.

It was the best part of those days.

Mother and I, Joon Tong Road, circa 1973

Saturday, April 5, 2025

Creating with Purpose

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege to use my craft in media to serve something bigger than myself. Through my agency reeljuice, I’ve worked on projects that touch on mental health, faith, healing, and social responsibility - often with little budget, but full of heart.

In 2012, we made 5 mental health videos for ClubHEAL - on depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder.
It was (and still is) something that Malay families - and many Asian families, to a large extent - tend to avoid talking about, especially when it comes to a family member living with these conditions. Stigma is the worse form of prejudice. It hinders rehabilitation.
Still relevant today. Still being watched. One of the best NGOs I’ve worked with. Total creative freedom. A rare gem.

In 2016, I made a video to save water for wudhu. Green ummah project was a collaboration with Masjid Mujahidin. Do you know that all we need for wudhu is only about half litre of water (1 mudd)? It was a quite a revelation for me. Today? That same video plays at the mosque. The posters are still up in other mosques. Every time I take wudhu and see them - I smile quietly.
Deeds don’t expire.

In 2017, video project for Madrasah Al-Maarif's 80th anniversary - with full creative control.
I’ve always been fascinated by the madrasah journey. I’ve featured these institutions in many of my films, especially in the short film Ameen.
Biggest takeaway? Madrasah admissions, even at the primary level… is no walk in the park. This project also became a turning point in affirming my journey of creating videos as a form of amal, especially after listening to the stories of the Azatizahs.
It’s a whole discipline.

In 2018, we created a heartfelt video for stroke survivors. A collaboration with Stroke Support Station S3.
Once again - total trust, total freedom. It was about dignity. Healing. Hope.
The kind of work that matters.

Budgets?
Nothing to shout about.
But value? Beyond measure.
When intention is right, the reward isn't always money.

But A Word of Caution...
Not every agency has good intentions. Some will try to exploit your time, talent, and trust.
Go with your gut.
If your heart’s not in it, walk away.

Why I Do This?
These projects aren’t just media work - they’re spiritual work.
A way to externalise what's inside.
To give back.
To align intention with action.

Final Reflection:
If it helps someone…
If it lives beyond me…
If it earns even a drop of barakah…
Then that is success.

Importantly,
I am deeply grateful to every member of the production team, studios, post-production, crew, and cast who have walked this journey with me.
Your time, heart, and craft made these stories come alive. You know who you are.

May we continue to create with purpose - and may each project bring us closer to our collective calling.

Friday, March 14, 2025

'Bingit' Ramadan blessings



Peak drama, filmed during Ramadan more than 10 years ago 🌙✨

I took up the challenge to direct a taboo subject (sex addiction) for prime time Mediacorp Suria audience.
It wouldn't have been possible without the incredibly talented leads delivering peak performances! Nick Mikhail Razak and Siti Hajar Gani

I’m still in awe of their incredible talent, flawlessly delivering even the most awkward lines and scenes with a straight face - a true testament to their professionalism and dedication to the craft!

with Izzad, Awad Salim Ramli, Rahman Rahim, Suraya Taib and Hashimah Hamidon in supporting roles.

Experimentally lensed by Sofyan Daud Mohamad and team. We went all in to create peak cinema for something that had never been done before on Malay television. Additionally my incredibly hardworking AP Mairah Shaik who made it all happened for this rather difficult ride (against all odds #iykyk) during fasting month! And who can forget the awesome editors and food for iftar at Flashforward Films.

Icing on the cake - the 2 episodes got me a Best Director (Drama - my fourth) nod. The series received Best Drama Series award and best script (for another episode by Wan Firza in the anthology) at Mediacorp Suria 13th Pesta Perdana Awards (2015). It takes an ensemble to create peak drama.


الحمد لله

Rewatching my episodes recently still gives me tingles. I always look forward to pushing the bar even higher rather than just replicating the production value achieved over a decade ago. The expectation, pressure, and challenge never fade!

Don’t take my word for it, go catch it for yourself on Mediacorp's Mewatch streamer.
Part 2

#ramadanblessings #ramadan

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Twenty twenty-four

2024 Takeaways: A Year of Lessons, Betrayal and Growth

This year was a reminder that life’s challenges and opportunities serve a purpose, even if the lessons come with a heavy price. As my late father once advised, “When invited, show up as your best self.” His wisdom has guided me through tough moments, keeping his memory alive as I navigate the uncertainties of life.

2024 began with excitement - a fresh chapter filled with opportunities to meet new people, reconnect with past acquaintances, and take on a high-stakes responsibility beyond my role as a film director. 

My goal was clear: to create a learning space where emerging talents could flourish, access opportunities they might not have otherwise, and develop in a safe, nurturing environment. I was energized by the vision of empowering others while charting a new trajectory for myself.



But not all intentions are met with the same sincerity. As I sit here on the final day of the year, sipping Teh Tarik and finishing two egg pratas, reality weighs heavy.

Amid the optimism, I encountered individuals who turned the process inward, making it about themselves. Their actions didn’t just disappoint; they sabotaged the very foundation of what was being built - relationships, time, and resources. They selfishly exploited opportunities meant to elevate the collective effort, leaving emotional and professional damage in their wake.

This betrayal brought emotional trauma and a burden I wasn’t prepared for. Trust shattered, relationships strained, and hope momentarily dimmed. It forced me to confront the darker side of ambition - those who prioritize personal gain at the expense of others.

Yet, these challenges also brought clarity. While some exploited the space, others stepped up, offering support and shared experiences that helped me cope. The connections I forged with people who truly understood the struggle reminded me of the resilience within myself and the value of genuine collaboration.

The road to success is rarely smooth - it’s riddled with disappointment and obstacles. But it’s these very challenges that make the journey meaningful. As I reflect on the sabotage I faced, I am reminded of the words that encapsulate my year:

Berani kerana benar.
Takut kerana salah.
Cabut kerana penipu.

Fearless because you’re truthful.
Sacred because you’re about to be exposed.
Ghosting because you’re a fraud.

Despite the setbacks, 2024 was a year of growth and resilience, proving that even in betrayal, there’s room for learning and strength to be found. A year of trials, growth, and the enduring belief in doing what’s right.