Monday, May 19, 2025

Quiet mornings with Mother; the mornings she made.

I woke up very early this morning. The Art Club was only due to start at 9.30am, but still, I found myself stirring before the sun.

I was in Primary 2.

My regular classes were in the afternoon, but on days when I had morning ECAs, I had to wake up early—though still a little later than my older siblings, who were already off for their own morning sessions. I would also find Father sitting, a moment by himself having breakfast. Father glanced at me, smiled and continued eating.

Mother would send me to school on her way to work at the Japanese company. where she took care of the pantry and tidied the office at the end of the day.

Mother was worried I wouldn’t wake on time on my own, or worse, get lost taking public transport alone. I was usually on a chartered school bus in the afternoons, so these mornings felt different.

Special, even.

We’d arrive at school just after the morning flag-raising ceremony. Mother would walk me to the canteen and sit with me for a while. She’d smooth out the creases in my light blue uniform, remind me not to run around and get dirty before class in the afternoon—“The teachers won’t like it,” she’d say.

Then she’d check my packed lunch. Always something she threw together in the early morning rush: asam pedas today, fish curry on other days. She’d open the packet to make sure it was intact—layers of newspaper lined with wax paper, or sometimes thin food plastic she had cut. She’d lean in to smell the package.

I’d lean in and take a peek. It always smelled delicious.

The canteen would be quiet at that hour—recess still a while away. Before she left, she’d ask if I needed the toilet so she could keep watch over my belongings.

I think she felt safer knowing I was at school, where someone could keep an eye on me, rather than alone at home. Whether it was Art Club, Running Club, or even Choir (!), she’d make sure she was the one to send me off—just so I wouldn’t have to manage the mornings by myself.

That small ritual went on for nearly two years.

Sometimes, after she left, I wished she could’ve stayed until my school session actually began. I’d see one or two classmates with stay-at-home mothers lingering with them, and I’d feel a quiet envy.

I remember asking her all kinds of silly questions just to make her stay a bit longer. Looking back, I now realise how much I treasured those quiet, undistracted mornings—just Mother and me.

Eventually, I learned to eat my lunch during the morning recess. It was easier than sitting alone during the break while others ate. Occasionally, a random kid would try to make fun of me sitting by myself. Eating early gave me comfort.

It was my way of showing that I, too, had something to eat.

Besides, by afternoon, the rice and curry would be soggy—harder to eat, and harder to hide from curious eyes and well-meaning but judgy mothers nearby. Even at that age, I could sense the subtle glances and whispers. I knew.

These days, whenever Mother’s Day comes around, it’s these quiet, small moments from primary school that come back to me. They’re the ones I hold closest. I had her all to myself—no older siblings competing for her attention, no distractions.

Just quiet mornings and the comforting scent of packed lunch, and the gentle presence of Mother, who was simply being a mother.

It was the best part of those days.

Mother and I, Joon Tong Road, circa 1973

Saturday, April 5, 2025

Creating with Purpose

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege to use my craft in media to serve something bigger than myself. Through my agency reeljuice, I’ve worked on projects that touch on mental health, faith, healing, and social responsibility - often with little budget, but full of heart.

In 2012, we made 5 mental health videos for ClubHEAL - on depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder.
It was (and still is) something that Malay families - and many Asian families, to a large extent - tend to avoid talking about, especially when it comes to a family member living with these conditions. Stigma is the worse form of prejudice. It hinders rehabilitation.
Still relevant today. Still being watched. One of the best NGOs I’ve worked with. Total creative freedom. A rare gem.

In 2016, I made a video to save water for wudhu. Green ummah project was a collaboration with Masjid Mujahidin. Do you know that all we need for wudhu is only about half litre of water (1 mudd)? It was a quite a revelation for me. Today? That same video plays at the mosque. The posters are still up in other mosques. Every time I take wudhu and see them - I smile quietly.
Deeds don’t expire.

In 2017, video project for Madrasah Al-Maarif's 80th anniversary - with full creative control.
I’ve always been fascinated by the madrasah journey. I’ve featured these institutions in many of my films, especially in the short film Ameen.
Biggest takeaway? Madrasah admissions, even at the primary level… is no walk in the park. This project also became a turning point in affirming my journey of creating videos as a form of amal, especially after listening to the stories of the Azatizahs.
It’s a whole discipline.

In 2018, we created a heartfelt video for stroke survivors. A collaboration with Stroke Support Station S3.
Once again - total trust, total freedom. It was about dignity. Healing. Hope.
The kind of work that matters.

Budgets?
Nothing to shout about.
But value? Beyond measure.
When intention is right, the reward isn't always money.

But A Word of Caution...
Not every agency has good intentions. Some will try to exploit your time, talent, and trust.
Go with your gut.
If your heart’s not in it, walk away.

Why I Do This?
These projects aren’t just media work - they’re spiritual work.
A way to externalise what's inside.
To give back.
To align intention with action.

Final Reflection:
If it helps someone…
If it lives beyond me…
If it earns even a drop of barakah…
Then that is success.

Importantly,
I am deeply grateful to every member of the production team, studios, post-production, crew, and cast who have walked this journey with me.
Your time, heart, and craft made these stories come alive. You know who you are.

May we continue to create with purpose - and may each project bring us closer to our collective calling.

Friday, March 14, 2025

'Bingit' Ramadan blessings



Peak drama, filmed during Ramadan more than 10 years ago 🌙✨

I took up the challenge to direct a taboo subject (sex addiction) for prime time Mediacorp Suria audience.
It wouldn't have been possible without the incredibly talented leads delivering peak performances! Nick Mikhail Razak and Siti Hajar Gani

I’m still in awe of their incredible talent, flawlessly delivering even the most awkward lines and scenes with a straight face - a true testament to their professionalism and dedication to the craft!

with Izzad, Awad Salim Ramli, Rahman Rahim, Suraya Taib and Hashimah Hamidon in supporting roles.

Experimentally lensed by Sofyan Daud Mohamad and team. We went all in to create peak cinema for something that had never been done before on Malay television. Additionally my incredibly hardworking AP Mairah Shaik who made it all happened for this rather difficult ride (against all odds #iykyk) during fasting month! And who can forget the awesome editors and food for iftar at Flashforward Films.

Icing on the cake - the 2 episodes got me a Best Director (Drama - my fourth) nod. The series received Best Drama Series award and best script (for another episode by Wan Firza in the anthology) at Mediacorp Suria 13th Pesta Perdana Awards (2015). It takes an ensemble to create peak drama.


الحمد لله

Rewatching my episodes recently still gives me tingles. I always look forward to pushing the bar even higher rather than just replicating the production value achieved over a decade ago. The expectation, pressure, and challenge never fade!

Don’t take my word for it, go catch it for yourself on Mediacorp's Mewatch streamer.
Part 2

#ramadanblessings #ramadan

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Twenty twenty-four

2024 Takeaways: A Year of Lessons, Betrayal and Growth

This year was a reminder that life’s challenges and opportunities serve a purpose, even if the lessons come with a heavy price. As my late father once advised, “When invited, show up as your best self.” His wisdom has guided me through tough moments, keeping his memory alive as I navigate the uncertainties of life.

2024 began with excitement - a fresh chapter filled with opportunities to meet new people, reconnect with past acquaintances, and take on a high-stakes responsibility beyond my role as a film director. 

My goal was clear: to create a learning space where emerging talents could flourish, access opportunities they might not have otherwise, and develop in a safe, nurturing environment. I was energized by the vision of empowering others while charting a new trajectory for myself.



But not all intentions are met with the same sincerity. As I sit here on the final day of the year, sipping Teh Tarik and finishing two egg pratas, reality weighs heavy.

Amid the optimism, I encountered individuals who turned the process inward, making it about themselves. Their actions didn’t just disappoint; they sabotaged the very foundation of what was being built - relationships, time, and resources. They selfishly exploited opportunities meant to elevate the collective effort, leaving emotional and professional damage in their wake.

This betrayal brought emotional trauma and a burden I wasn’t prepared for. Trust shattered, relationships strained, and hope momentarily dimmed. It forced me to confront the darker side of ambition - those who prioritize personal gain at the expense of others.

Yet, these challenges also brought clarity. While some exploited the space, others stepped up, offering support and shared experiences that helped me cope. The connections I forged with people who truly understood the struggle reminded me of the resilience within myself and the value of genuine collaboration.

The road to success is rarely smooth - it’s riddled with disappointment and obstacles. But it’s these very challenges that make the journey meaningful. As I reflect on the sabotage I faced, I am reminded of the words that encapsulate my year:

Berani kerana benar.
Takut kerana salah.
Cabut kerana penipu.

Fearless because you’re truthful.
Sacred because you’re about to be exposed.
Ghosting because you’re a fraud.

Despite the setbacks, 2024 was a year of growth and resilience, proving that even in betrayal, there’s room for learning and strength to be found. A year of trials, growth, and the enduring belief in doing what’s right.

Sunday, November 24, 2024

Sayang oh sayang

It came full circle.

It is hard to write about this. Very hard. But I’m finding the strength to write this not for the sake of exposing anyone, but to highlight an issue that affects all creative writers and writer-directors, especially. 

Siapa makan cili, dia rasa pedas “feel the pinch”!

I’ve shared this story with some friends. A couple brushed the situation aside with a casual "Ala, tidak apa lah...". But I am not that “tidak apa” Melayu.

Cut to the present; at the special sharing session by, let’s call this person, *Labu. Labu in previous life decides the “content” you watch on your goggle box. Labu shared his indispensable experience and insights earnestly, I have to add.

But throughout the session, I couldn’t shake the memory of my first meeting with Labu back in 2010 or 2011 at the majestic twin towers in muddy plains. It was a pivotal meeting for me. I was struggling to get the film completed. We met up at his invitation. I was eager. I needed to complete my first indie feature film, possibly the first Malay feature in Temasek since local politics made P Ramlee and gang abandoned the lion city in the 1960s. I brought my treatment along and hoped that Labu’s experience might help me bring my vision to life.

The papers were shared, Labu gave his input, and we caught up a little. It was remarkable, really - Labu, who had served national service in Temasek, had risen astronomically in the industry across the man-made landbridge. That same week, I was also meeting with my lead actor, trying to kill two birds with one stone.

It is an open industry secret that Labu allegedly got some *祖父 to be where he was - this industry, after all, is all about who you know, right?

Labu was straight up non-committal at that meeting.

Fast forward to end of 2013. I completed my debut feature film. The film went on to be gilded in the annals of Temasek Cinema.

Sometime in October 2016, a handful of concerned friends on FB reached out to confirm if it was indeed my indie film that was screening on television as a Chinese New Year holiday telemovie special on the Malay channel. I hadn’t sold any rights to my film for television, so I was taken aback.

I looked up the said telemovie. The premise - something about a daughter who tries to honour the memory of her mother by duplicating her mother’s recipe for the father. The actor who played the father was the same (!!) actor in my film. I learnt that Labu and another person, let’s call him Sardine who used to work extensively in Temasek island, were allegedly credited in the telemovie.

Back to the present; the sharing session. I was listening to Labu talk about the importance of collaboration in content creation, about reaching cross-border audiences and the complexities of international markets. Finally, I saw my moment and asked the question I had been waiting to ask for years. With the help of ChatGPT, I translated this into Malay:
“You mentioned the creation of content through collaboration and the importance of targeting content for cross-border audiences in different markets. So, how can intellectual property violations be enforced across borders?”
It’s not what was said, but how it was being said as our eyes locked.

I left the moment the session ended. That was all I could take. I got my payback in a face off after years of watching my original ideas stolen right under my nose. Everyday is a learning process.

A handful of friends suggested the obvious action I should have taken. The creative industry is one of a tight rope, cut throat industry. There are allegedly hundreds of Labus out there in the industry preying on the next naive creatives (musicians, writers, artists etc). This cycle never ends.

If you ask me, though, coming from the perspective of an independent creative, I’d much rather invest the little I have into writing better stories, or into funding the next project.

I hope the next Labu out there learns the hard way that they don’t get to play with the hearts and minds of others without consequences. May the next Labu not end up on someone else’s Halloween dinner table.

I hope Labu and Sardine sleep well.



*Labu = Pumpkinhead
*祖父 = Grandfather

Simplicity

The past couple of months have been intense. The work has been been challenging. Funny that I call it “work” at this point. They say when you do what you love, it doesn’t feel like work. or something like that, anyway. But hey, this is Facebook.

Lately, though, I’ve felt like I’ve lost some footing. When the work you love turns into managing egos 80% of the time, it can really shift your perspective. I needed some grounding.

This evening, I walked past my first cousin’s flat. It struck me how odd it was that we’ve lived in the same block ever since our parents were alive. It was the first time in ages that I actually glanced up at his unit to see if his lights were on.

Growing up, our families were constantly in and out of each other’s homes. We’d knock on each other’s doors without hesitation - no advance texts or calls asking, “Are you home? Is it okay if I stop by?” There was an effortless simplicity to it.

It being rather late so I just texted him - I wasn’t even sure if the number was current. 

(Back then, none of us would have cared about the hour - it was a Saturday night, after all.) It had been two years since we last spoke. No, none of those family drama - life just took over. When he replied, cautiously asking who I was, it hit me how much had changed. We chatted briefly.

The strain of my professional life has me longing for something real - connections that don’t require small talk or reintroductions. I miss the comfort of the people who’ve known me since before all the facades, before the curated social media versions of myself.

There’s something grounding about reconnecting with the people who know you by your childhood nickname, the ones who remind you who you really are. These are the connections that whisper it’s ok to lose a step sometimes because that’s what life is all about.

Thursday, September 12, 2024

10 years of SAYANG DI SAYANG


“Sensual debut powered by sights of spicy delicacies and sounds of lovelorn music.”
THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
“A new realization of our uniqueness and peculiarities. Sayang Disayang is truly a transcendental Southeast Asian film.” 
SALAMINDANAW ASIAN FILM FESTIVAL

“Lyrical, beautiful, enchanting.”
HAWAII INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

“Sanif Olek’s Sayang Disayang (Singapore) …chooses woman as the core narrative. Interestingly... uses culinary metaphors to tell the story about families and its sorrows and wounds. The task of women ...goes beyond just serving food on the table, a common view of the obligation of women in Asia.”
Jogja-NETPAC ASIAN FILM FESTIVAL
10 years ago, Sayang Disayang opened nationally during National Day week at The Arts House after its World Premiere at the Salamindanaw Asian Film Festival, Philippines (Jury Prize - Best Asian Film). The film returns to the big screen in 2024 during National Day courtesy of The Asian Film Archive.

The idea for the film, originally titled Ramuan Rahasia, began in 2001. While a lot of films about food were made in China, South America, India, France, Spain… no one had done any film about food from the Nusantara - the collective lands of the Malay Archipelago. Thus began my adventure to explore the soul of Nusantara dishes. The sambal goreng struck me as the dish that embodies the Nusantara.

The indie route was not easy but I am glad I took this road. While many just talk about making a feature-length, only a handful walk the talk. It’s something they don’t teach in film schools. It’s not about the red carpets and awards. I learn about people - the doers, ones that stood by you and always have your back, including ones who questioned constantly yet stuck around until the film wrapped. There were also the fairweather ones and those who stayed just to see you fail. All in just one indie film set!

Singapore’s Official Selection to the 87th Oscars. Truly humbled and proud at the same time how this low-key, indie film has done over the years. 

Thank you for this journey, Sayang ❤️


Saturday, July 27, 2024

Lessons from thespians


Occasionally I had the privilege to direct a dream cast. And then there are dream casts who are living legends - you know, the bigger-than-life ones that you used to only watch in black and white television and the kitchy eighties while growing up.

It was September 2015. I had the privilege to direct not one but TWO of these legendary thespians in the SAME scene. It seemed surreal. And it felt too brief.

It was too fun watching them perform that it can be impulsive to do the typical 360 degree coverage for the television editors but I refrained because it was unnecessary. I'm not sure if it was the ease of directing them or they were too good they need few or no directions. It was sheer pleasure to watch them perform.

JA Halim left us in 2019. Pon Bachik left us this week. Their work on stage and television screen has left an indelible mark on Singapore audiences and the arts scene.

I had the opportunity to work with Abang JA Halim on the long form drama series, Segaris Sinar in 2008. What he brought on set, was not about the acting school methodologies, but the discipline of collaboration with another actor, the script and original story concept. It’s also about giving the emerging director room to express his ideas, because not all Malay directors express ideas in Malay. Of adhering that when ideas collide, it’s all about the story and not about the ego.

It was my first time working with Mak Pon Bachik. She had such a gentle demeanour, but forceful presence on screen. I was so in awe of her method. Her motherly grace seemed like her challenge for me to work harder! 😆

Directing is not just about the shots imho, it is also about nuance and getting the best performances from your actors. To be the best you work with the best actors. For me, even though the meeting on set with the credible thespians Pon Bachik and JA Halim seem fleeting, I grew a lot as a director. I learnt more about performance, giving and reacting from these two than any film school textbooks can offer.

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون

Monday, July 1, 2024

Part 3: Singapore-Malay Bawean - deeds and attribution.

PART 3

Chillax in a 3-toner. Singapore Armed Forces Day; circa 1991.
Fast forward more than fifteen years after making the television documentary about the Bawean diaspora in Singapore, the mysteries of my childhood and the lessons learned from my cultural heritage came to a head. I had been feeling unwell for months. It started as a series of minor ailments that I dismissed as the usual stresses of modern life and work.

Then, I was gaining nominations and winning television awards. My films were being selected to screen at many film festivals on all five continents, winning awards at a handful of them. My debut feature film was officially selected to represent Singapore at the 87th Academy Awards in the Best Foreign Language category (now renamed International Feature Film).

In the euphoria of the moment, I strangely started losing weight. Several months later, my health deteriorated further. I began losing my appetite, skipping meals, and my face structure changed. I found myself regularly shifting to find the right angles when taking pictures to hide my thinning body. I developed arthritis and didn't sleep well, with the urge to pee every half hour. On top of that, I had deep headaches and migraines at night until morning. During shoots, I would get exhausted very easily, which in turn gave me more migraines from not having enough sleep. I got cold very easily, even in mild air-conditioning while in the office or studio, on the bus or train, and in the supermarket getting groceries. There was a point during filming when my health was getting worse right before hospitalization, I had to wear a thick hoodie over a down shell from Uniqlo over a long-sleeve, thermal t-shirt. I had to visit the toilet every half an hour during filming. During interviews in a studio for behind-the-scenes elements for a national agency, I was short on words as I was forgetting what I wanted to say. 

Perhaps my stint at the elite unit during National Service conditioned me with high threshold of pain.

During this difficult period, I was also filming a documentary series that took me to six countries in Asia. The constant travel and long hours took their toll during the intense three months of shooting and post-production. While dining in India - the land of spices and a thousand curries - it got depressing to watch hungry members of my production team savour the numerous curries and biryanis while I could only swallow one plain naan dipped in chicken curry. I had zero appetite. The sight of food made me nauseous. I was eating just for the carb and sugar. My lower legs were swollen with water retention. The last straw happened when I completely lost my train of thought during an interview with a profile from Malaysia in an episode of the same series. I was just going with rote questioning from the notes. At this period, I lost close to 20 kilograms. I was losing my mind. 

I am still thankful to my producer, the filming crew, and the post-production team for keeping it together with me during the documentary production. This is on set family - a dedicated team that truly believe in your work and only wants success for the project.

In early 2017, I was feeling very, very sick. I could not seem to function. I dragged myself downstairs to take a taxi to the hospital. Private hire apps were not yet a thing back then. I had only one intention and it was clear – to get to A&E at the hospital. Whatever happened next, I left my fate to Allah, I thought. During registration at the emergency unit, I was rambling incoherently in response to questions. The next moment, I found myself waking up inside the unit. I fell unconscious again to find myself waking up with needles and pipes attached to my body. 

I felt like I was floating, reminiscent of Major Motoko Kusanagi in the prostheses state in the anime, "Ghost in the Shell." I stayed in this state for one week. I spent my birthday in the hospital ward with a kind nurse who brought in a slice of cake. There was no birthday song as I ate the cake quietly.

The diagnosis was Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE) or lupus. I was discharged nearly four weeks later. My body was responding well to therapy and medication. I started ultrarunning again five months later with my batchmates from First Company. I was also actively going to the gym as my body seemed to gain muscle mass very easily. Life seemed to return to normal. I was also happy to be on set for filming. But alas, the problem did not end there.

Around this time, I was filming a long-form drama series and a telemovie. Several individuals I had previously worked with on different productions were also involved in these productions. When production wrapped, my body spiralled into the same pain I had felt before my earlier hospitalization that year. Two months later, I was walking with crutches. The specialists at the hospital suggested that it was a result of side effects from the steroid prescription I was taking for the SLE. It caused the already brittle lower body bone densities to deteriorate further from running.

Deep down, Scully (of X-Files, the series) was adamant that it was just the damn side effects from Prednisolone. "You win some, you lose some," I thought. However, a chance conversation with a kind industry friend who showed considerable concern coaxed me to consult a wise person well-versed in entities of the sixth sense. It took much hesitation but I finally did when my condition went downhill.

What I heard from Wise Person shook me to my core - my pain was allegedly caused by disgruntled three persons from envy. They operated separately. Now I must add, I had not met Wise Person, nor did Wise Person know in detail about my work.

The first question asked: had my work been recognized on an international stage somewhere in 2014-15?

The second question asked: had I been involved in any major production/s recently where the three persons were directly attached? They were also linked to another major work I had been involved in before 2014-15.

Wise Person analysed that when I started work in the recent productions, the 3 persons observed I was doing well, got resentful at my health and subsequently attempted to break me. All they want was for me to literally lie in bed and rot, so to speak.

Finally, Wise Person gave me three random, yet very specific single namesI identified the alleged three individuals. Let's call them Labu 1-3.

Labu 1 promised to help with the film but pulled back last minute, only to agree later with an absurd offer. I decided his conditions was not worth a commitment. Labu 2 pulled back three weeks before production started with a preposterous excuse even after I handed them an advance that he requested. Labu 3, a veteran, badmouthed me within his own provincial circle while making a film that perhaps served his ego more than it served the community.

Wise Person advised the many tactics which a resentful person may act. I recall during production where the three of them were involved, Labu 1 curiously offered me a piece of banana during break fast. During the shoot, sample food packages were offered around on set to the cast and crew. I ordered one container of the food sample. I heard later that allegedly one cast member who bought a container of the food sample had her life in "disarray". Labu 3 was unusually overly friendly on set while he supplied the props for a funeral scene in the production. Labu 2? Well, I have yet to receive the money he owed me from the advance payment. I realised that it was unrealistic to cry over spilled milk. I have Halal-ed it.

Alas, Wise Person advised me to constantly be aware and present as Labu 1-3 may attempt to sneak in a pushback.

I do hope these persons - whoever they may be, wherever they are - find peace in their lives. 

For me, it took the hard way with three alleged Pumpkinheads and about $50,000 in hospital bills to realize that finding a true friend in the industry is probably wishful thinking. The industry is a circus full of clowns and acrobats with misplaced egos. Amongst alligators it is always prudent to tread water wisely.

The evil eye exists. It has a coward smile and deceitful generosity. I wish I could be in that long-ago conversation with my father and the Bawean elders again to talk about my experience. I now understand how judgment and scepticism should not be too dominant during such conversations.

Additionally and very importantly, as expressed by the soft-spoken Pesantren head in Bawean Island, the deeds of a person are his own and not reflective of the community to which he belongs.

My encounter with the unseen forces that had plagued me became a transformative experience. This experience brought me closer to my cultural roots and deepened my understanding of Bawean beliefs. It was a reminder that our heritage is a vital part of who we are, shaping our perspectives and guiding us through life's challenges. It also reinforced the notion that there are many layers to health and well-being, some of which are beyond the reach of modern science. The Bawean traditions that I had once taken for granted or half ignored are now a cherished part of my identity, providing a foundation of strength and wisdom.

Allah knows best.

END.

[Read PART 1, read PART 2]

Friday, June 28, 2024

Part 2: Singapore-Malay Bawean - self-actualisation.

PART 2

My older brothers, Ariff and Ismail, with uncles Cik Yusof and Cik At-at, who are of the same age as my elder brothers respectively. At Joon Tong Road, off Old Jurong Road; circa 1970s.


My family spent many weekends at either the paternal or maternal grandparent’s place. However the weekend before the beginning of school after a long semester break would be particularly special. For example, my father’s siblings would gather with their kids at his parent’s place at Teban. After Maghrib, we would have kenduri, or prayer feast, to celebrate the achievements of the previous year and welcome the new one. The eldest family member, my grand uncle, would recite verses from the Quran over a cup of water. This “blessed” cup would be passed around to the kids for good grades and overall performance in school, and to shield us from accidents and bad luck. 

Nonetheless with a reminder the ultimate blessing comes from Allah. We seek His grace.

On other days, such blessed water would be prepared for a family member starting a new job, going for an interview, enlisting in National Service, after a job promotion, getting married, traveling overseas, or moving to a new house. Occasionally, there was blessed water for the sick or for those recovering from severe or chronic illness.

My family was also present for my uncles’ and aunties’ khatam Quran milestones. My older siblings had their khatams too. During childhood, it was common for the head of the household, usually the father, to teach the children basic Iqra, often in the “Bawean style.” My father’s flawless recitation of Quran was captivating. During Ramadan, my grandparent’s living room hosted congregational Tarawih prayers after breaking fast without fail, although my cousins and I would be excused. We watched from the sidelines, often bored by the second rakaath, or prayer cycle, and played our own games in the background.

For early Baweans being a perantau or traveller meant that every chance to connect with a fellow Bawean overseas was a chance to rekindle relationships. Thus everyone was family. At the turn of the century, the Ponthuk that dotted many parts of urban Singapore was the point of call for most single travellers who left Bawean. Each Pondok was linked to a respective province at home. Upon arrival a Pak Lurah, the head of the Pondok, welcomed the traveller. He subsequently took care of the new arrival’s welfare until he settled down with a job or ready to move out. This tradition of kinship and hospitality maintained even when the Pondok ceased to exist. Maintaining family foundations and practising kindness were also part of being good Sunni Muslims.

On very rare occasions when I tagged along my father to visit my elderly grand relatives, the conversations trailed to unwell acquaintances or victims of suspected hexes. The language was coded and matter-of-fact, making it sound like something that happened in Bawean Island to my untrained child ears. Upon reflection, I noticed my father never brought my older brothers to such meetings, perhaps because the unspoken rule was to be respectful and not ask too many questions. Perhaps my father liked to take me because I was well behaved and not being disruptive when the elders spoke. Or perhaps it could also be I did not have any homework to complete.

I would hear about entities, spells, special compounds, significant energies, and anecdotes warning children like me not to trivialize Taoist roadside offerings during the Hungry Ghost Festival or to maintain integrity in daily dealings because karma is real. 

This early exposure to such conversations ingrained in me a scientific approach to the entities of the sixth sense in Bawean lore. Having insider knowledge allows one to form effective perspectives and drive positive change naturally embedded in the culture.

My father emphasised secular education for his children as a means to move up beyond the blue-collar system that most of the Baweans came from. Thus, even when I was attending Anglo-Chinese School, a Methodist mission school, I was concurrently attending Madrasah classes in the morning or afternoon, depending on my secular school sessions. I was listening to the ustazah talked on fitrah in the morning and then listened as the pastor led the hymns in the afternoon. As I moved on to junior college, I met more Malay friends of other ethnicities besides Baweanese, such as the Javanese and Bugis. It was also here that I discovered the stereotypes leading to the discrimination the early Baweans faced within the Malay community. 

The most common was how the Baweans were deemed to be unchaste due to stereotypes of the community’s attribution to black magic and the community’s love of the bloody tuna, no pun intended. Thus it was impossible for a Bawean boy or girl to marry a Javanese, for example, because of the prejudice that sprang from these stereotypes.

In 1997, I was working on a television documentary about the Bawean diaspora in Singapore. During the filming trip to Bawean Island, we stayed in a Pesantren. Guarded by the spoken and unspoken rules of the Baweanese, I confronted my heritage full-on. There were many questions, and being on the island where my grandparents came from was the best way to confront them.

Observing the culturally conservative and very religious Bawean islanders, I asked the head of the Pesantren, a soft-spoken Haji, if it was true that Baweans practiced black magic, given the community’s notorious reputation in Singapore. Silence. It was as if the Haji was trying to figure out the context of my question. His body language at that point reminded me of the elders who spoke to my father when someone asked an awkward question.

He calmly explained that one cannot blame the people, the family, the community, beliefs or religion for the deed of the individual. God is almighty, He provides guidance, and fate brings us where we are. At that point I could not seem to comprehend his loaded and complex response. Out of respect to the host, I left it as that.

Back in Singapore, while filming the documentary, I met an elderly Bawean with a road named after him at Caldecott Hill. He was rumoured to be a spiritual advisor to a very prominent figure in Singapore. A first-generation migrant, slight in size and non-assuming, he had a special gaze typical of learned elderly Baweans. It was the same gaze of the elders that spoke to my father when I was little. It is complex to describe the gaze but one that I can identify when I see it. I asked him the same question about black magic. He simply smiled and did not respond.

I remember when I was little, when an elderly Bawean responded with no response, that was a code to mean you are being “kurang ajar”. In Phebien, being confrontational was seen as rudeness of a higher degree. In Bawean speak, kurang ajar means your parents, grandparents, and guardians failed to teach you well in graces and manners. It was like having your whole family clan spat at. At the end of the interview, I took the man’s hand and kissed it as a sign of quiet apology.

Being exposed to the mechanics of the sixth sense and its entities as a child, and confronting these experiences professionally while making the documentary about Bawean diaspora in Singapore, led me to embrace my history. Dwelling on something unfairly attributed to my heritage and attempting to find reason in its mechanisms meant I had to make peace with it. There are good people and some, on the contrary, just as there is good and bad in everyone, every culture, every community. Eventually, what brings closure is acknowledging and making peace with it.
"..Yeah, you better be careful, or I will send the spirits down your way to kick your a**!"
I used to joke in response to every unfair snide remark about Baweans and the sixth sense. 

Little did I know.

[Read PART 1, read PART 3]